Salam Alaykum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuhu,
Narcissism can manifest in family dynamics and child upbringing, leading to detrimental effects on relationships and spiritual well-being. Understanding its symptoms and applying remedies within an Islamic framework can nurture a family grounded in humility, love, and faith.
SYMPTOMS OF NARCISSISM IN FAMILY AND CHILD UPBRINGING
1. Parental Arrogance:
Parents may demand excessive respect or obedience without reciprocating love, compassion, or understanding. Absence of love and compassion has made so many children traumatic and trauma permanent.
They may dismiss children’s feelings or opinions, reinforcing the idea that parental authority is absolute and unquestionable.
2. Over-emphasis on Appearance and Success:
Families may overly value material achievements, academic success, or social status, pressuring children to perform for external validation, instead of helping to develop the innate strength of such children to become distinct.
Children may develop self-worth based on accomplishments rather than intrinsic value.
3. Emotional Neglect:
Narcissistic parents may prioritize their needs, neglecting the emotional well-being of children.
This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and emotional suppression in children. The void may be irreversible and destructive.
4. Lack of Empathy in Relationships:
A narcissistic family member often disregards the emotions and needs of others, fostering resentment and emotional distance.
This lack of empathy may discourage open communication within the family and harbour resentment and generate to evil actions.
5. Competitive Sibling Rivalry:
Narcissistic tendencies in parents can foster unhealthy competition among siblings, as some children are favored over others.
This creates a toxic environment of jealousy and resentment and it can last beyond the affected generation.
6. Conditional Love:
Children may feel loved only when they meet specific expectations, such as excelling academically or behaving perfectly, leading to low self-esteem.
7. Self-Centered Role Models:
Parents who display self-centered behaviour often model similar attitudes for their children, perpetuating the cycle of narcissism. This is a mental stamp in the mind of the children.
REMEDIES FOR NARCISSISM IN THE FAMILY AND CHILD UPBRINGING
1. Cultivate Humility as a Family Value:
Encourage children to recognize their reliance on Allah and develop gratitude.
“And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height.”
(Surah Al-Isra, 17:37)
2. Practice Emotional Empathy:
Teach children to consider others’ feelings by modeling active listening and compassion.
Show them the Prophet’s example: “The strong man is not the one who wrestles well, but the one who controls himself when angry.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, 6114)
3. Foster a Spirit of Collaboration:
Involve children in family decisions and chores, emphasizing teamwork over competition.
Teach shura (consultation) in decision-making, as practiced in the Sunnah.
4. Avoid Excessive Praise or Criticism:
Strike a balance between encouraging confidence and preventing arrogance.
Praise effort and intentions rather than outcomes, reinforcing reliance on Allah for success:
“And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].”
(Surah Aal-E-Imran, 3:159)
5. Teach Accountability to Allah:
Remind children that their actions are judged by Allah, not by people.
Encourage them to focus on inner character rather than outward appearances:
“Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.”
(Surah Al-Hujurat, 49:13)
6. Model Generosity and Service:
Demonstrate acts of charity and kindness, showing children the value of serving others:
“The best of people are those that bring the most benefit to the rest of mankind.”
(Sunan al-Kubra, 6197)
7. Encourage Gratitude in Everyday Life:
Teach children to thank Allah for blessings and express gratitude to others:
“Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah.”
(Sunan Abu Dawood, 4811)
8. Promote Unconditional Love and Support:
Ensure children know they are loved and valued for who they are, not for what they achieve.
Build their self-esteem through love and affirmation rooted in faith.
9. Address Jealousy and Rivalry:
Resolve conflicts with fairness and justice.
Teach siblings to celebrate each other’s successes and support one another, as seen in the story of Yusuf (Peace Be Upon Him) and his brothers (Surah Yusuf, 12:8–10).
10. Emphasize the Hereafter Over Worldly Gains:
Shift the family’s focus from materialism to spiritual growth and eternal success.
“What is with you will end, but what is with Allah is everlasting.”
(Surah An-Nahl, 16:96)
11. Recognize Individual Strengths:
Celebrate each family member’s unique talents without comparison.
This promotes self-confidence while discouraging arrogance or envy.
12. Engage in Family Worship:
Pray together, read the Qur’an, and engage in dhikr as a family to foster spiritual growth and humility.
“And establish prayer for My remembrance.”
(Surah Taha, 20:14)
13. Set Boundaries on Ego-Driven Behavior:
Correct narcissistic behaviors gently but firmly, reminding family members of Islamic values.
Use positive reinforcement to encourage humility and empathy.
14. Teach the Temporary Nature of Dunya (Worldly Life):
Remind children that worldly achievements are fleeting, while good character and deeds endure:
“But the Hereafter is better and more enduring.”
(Surah Al-A’la, 87:17)
15. Seek Forgiveness and Make Dua:
Continuously ask Allah to purify hearts from arrogance and guide the family.
“Our Lord, make us not [objects of] trial for the wrongdoing people and forgive us…”
(Surah Al-Mumtahanah, 60:5)
By addressing narcissistic tendencies in family life with these remedies, parents will not appear as monsters or biased in the home and will be able to nurture a home environment rooted in humility, empathy and faith. This helps raise children who are confident yet grounded in their servitude to Allah.
Written by:
Abdulmalik King Suleiman
Project Director, AMDC
+234 806 617 4070
abdmaleek1975@gmail.com