Salām Alaykum,
JUMU’ATUN MUBĀRAKAH
PLAN YOUR FAMILY
In response to a request, I am reposting this write-up, which I sent out on 19th June 2020.
A few days ago, a mother of 13 children gave birth to quadruplets in Zaria, Kaduna State. The 34 year old mother now has 17 children. This incident happened some weeks after one Alfa / Mallam delivered a speech at a Nikāh ceremony urging the new couple to procreate until the wife reached menopause. He mentioned that children are blessings from Allah, while no one should stop having them. He added that that has been the Sunnah, which all Muslims must practise.
The Alfa / Mallam went further quoting some Qur’anic verses and _ahadith_ to “support” himself. Unfortunately, the verses he quoted were not relevant. He, therefore, failed to establish his lecture on Islamic bases. For example, he quoted Q. 6:151 “…kill not your children because of poverty…” This verse is against infanticide and not prevention of pregnancy. He also quoted Q. 81:8-9, which is against burying girl-child alive, as did the Arabs before Islam because of their preference for male children, while they considered the female child as an extra burden. That is why they hardly welcomed a new baby girl with joy. They became sad and dejected whenever their wives were delivered of female children (Q. 16:58-59).
The same attitude is still very common till today in this country. Preference for a particular sex is a factor responsible for having many children in a family. I know one that has eight girls because the family was looking for male children. We need to change our attitude and accept whatever Allah bestows on us. Q. 42:50 makes us to understand that the determination of the sex of a child is Allah’s choice. He grants whatever sex to whosoever He likes, while He may deny whomsoever both male and female.
Experience has shown that female children are very useful to their parents. Most of them are caring and loving, while they do well in life, unlike the male child that, in most cases, appears to care less for the parents. He, too, needs to run around to make the two ends meet – taking care of his own immediate family, attending to official work, etc.
The Alfa / Mallam also emphasised that _Rasūlullāh_,SAW, wanted us, Muslims, to give birth to many children because he would be proud of our number before other nations. He, therefore, quoted a hadith reported by Abū Dāwūd which says:”Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great number before other nations.” (Abū Dāwūd 2050, Ibn Mājah 1846 & An-Nasā’ī 3227)
A close look at the hadith raises a number of observations, which may make one doubt its authenticity. How can a Muslim identify a fertile lady without having sexual relationship with her? Whereas there is no sex before ‘ _Aqd_. Anyone who does that is guilty of _Zinā_. That is the position of Islam. The Prophet, SAW, therefore, would not ask one to look out for a fertile lady. What happens after _Nikāh_ and the wife is not pregnant? Should the husband divorce her ? Being barren is the choice of Allah (Q. 42:50). The Prophet would not premise marriage on fertility. History has it that only two ( Khadijah bint Khuwaylid and Maria Al-Qibtiyyah) of his 13 wives bore children for him. Furthermore, the Prophet would not ask anyone to procreate beyond his capacity, contrary to Q. 2:286 and Q. 65:7 (…Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him…).
Q. 6:151 is always referred to as the assurance that Allah will provide sustenance for both the parents and the children, however large a family may be. It is true that He provides our needs even beyond expectations, but at the same time , He has asked us to go out and work in order to earn our living (Q. 62:10).
It is clearly stated in Q. 2:233 that it is the responsibility of the husband to cater for the needs of his children. He, as the head of the family, must be responsible financially (Q. 4:34). He is, however, expected to cater for their need within his resources (Q. 65:7). What we see nowadays is the production of children beyond the man’s capacity.
A woman with many children without any domestic servant, with inadequate feeding allowance for self and the many children, is saddled with the responsibility of fending for herself and her children. She may resort to petty trade with a meagre capital. The family can not feed itself, while the children’s education, welfare, and health care suffer.
In some cases, the woman and her children are on the street begging for alms in the name of Allah and His Prophet. She may even be pregnant while carrying another child on her back. But someone impregnated her and pushed her and the children to the road, and yet her husband claims to be practising the Sunnah of Rasūlullāh,SAW. No, please ! This is not Sunnah. It is sheer irresponsibility. Rasūlullāh, SAW, discouraged us, Muslims, from mendicancy (begging), but rather to work hard and earn a living however menial the work may be. Abū Hurayrah reported the Prophet saying:”It is better for anyone of you to carry a bundle of wood on his back and sell it than to beg of someone whether he gives him or refuses.” (Reported by Al-Bukhārī 1401 & Muslim 1042)
In another instance, some of the children are given to relations who are expected to assist in taking care of them. What do we see at the end of the day? Such children are not always properly taken care of. They are often turned to Christians if the caretaker is a Christian. At times, the children are given out as domestic servants ; they are usually abused and over laboured. In most cases, the children are not given Islamic education. Hardly will any of them understand Islam or practise it. How will the Prophet be proud of this type of Muslims in front of other nations?
The Prophet must have meant good children who are assets, rather than liability; friends, rather than enemies, sources of joy, rather than sources of trial or tribulation. Q. 64:14-15 & 8:28.
On the other hand, by implication, Islam expects us to plan our family life and pray for the attainment of our goal. We should, therefore, plan to have a number of children that we can cater for, all things being equal.
Both the husband and the wife are expected to take a decision on when to wean a child. Is it for a complete term of two years or less? ( Q. 31:14). Q. 2:233 reads thus: “…If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them…” A complete term of two years enables the family to space the gap between one child and another. By so doing, the number agreed upon, if it is within their capacity, will be properly fed, clothed, educated, and maximally interacted with. Their mother, too, will be healthy, not overburdened, not malnourished, while the father will not be overtasked looking for money to spend on a large family. Everybody in the family will live comfortably. There will not be any need to distribute the children among relatives. The children will neither be asked to fend for themselves or request a Mallam to feed them. They will be raised under the direct care and supervision of their parents. In the end, such children, by the grace of Allah, will be the “delight of our eyes,” ” the leaders of _Muttaqūn_ ” Q. 25:74. These are the Muslims the Prophet will be proud of at any time.
Prophet Ibrahim, _AS_ , prayed to have righteous children, not just any child. Q. 37:100. It is only the children who are properly fed, clothed, educated and catered for that will become righteous, not the ones forced to live on the street begging for alms, or in the company of urchins.
It is necessary for Muslim families to build real Islamic homes where there is love, peace, and understanding based on mutuality, consultation, and discussions. For example, they need to discuss and agree on the type of method they will adopt to prevent unwanted pregnancy. During the time of Rasūlullāh, SAW, some _Sahābah_ , as narrated by Jābir, adopted ‘ _Azl_, _coitus_ _interruptus_ (withdrawal method). They later informed the Prophet, and he did not stop them from practising it. He, however, warned that if Allah decides to bring someone to life, nobody can change it. (Sahīh Muslim 1440). Perhaps this is why some family planning methods fail, while a product of such failed method, at times, is named _Boluwatife_ . ‘ *_Azl_* was the available method then, but now, there are many other methods. The important thing is that both the husband and the wife need to discuss and agree on their choice. Q. 2:185 says, “Allah intends ease for you. He does not want hardship for you. ”
My fellow Muslims, let us plan our life and pray to Allah to bestow good children on us that we can cater for , while we also pray for _halāl_ sustenance to be spent on the family without being irresponsible parents under the guise of religion.
Many Alfas or Mallams remain a big cog in the wheel of progress. They do not impart proper Islamic education on the Muslims under their influence. We need to do something about it. We need to reach out to others and educate them properly.
_JUMU’ATUN_
_MUBĀRAKAH_
Written by:
Prof. Yasir Anjola Quadri,
27th Shawwal 1441/ 19th June 2020
Reposted by:
Seyyada Bilkis Grillo
Coordinating Secretary, AMDC
Edited by:
Abdulmalik King Suleiman
Project Director, AMDC
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